Welcome to Episode # 252 of the Own Your Best Life Podcast.

There’s nothing better than a getaway where you come back refreshed and, instead of feeling behind on everything, you actually feel ready.

Most of us don’t let ourselves have that. We think if we leave, we’ll fall so far behind. As if more time at the desk is the fix for a scattered brain and a low hum of anxiety.

I know that belief well. I’ve been arguing with it for years.

Years ago I had a ten week summer internship at McKinsey. I had worked so hard to get it. It was the reason I went to Columbia Business School in the first place. Get into a top tier strategy firm, then move into a socially responsible consumer goods company. That was the plan, and this internship was the door.

Ten weeks. Anyone can go ten weeks without a break, right?

One of my husband’s best friends got married that summer. I didn’t go to the wedding.

And I want to be honest with you, because I think I made the right call. Ten weeks, one shot, a door I had rebuilt my whole life to walk through. Most people sitting where I was sitting would have stayed. I might even tell you to stay.

It still bothers me that I didn’t go. Both of those are true at once, and I’ve stopped trying to resolve it.

Here’s what I did figure out, much later. I have not had to make a choice like that since. Not once.

That summer was genuinely high stakes. Almost nothing after it has been.

And I want to be clear about something, because I don’t want to tell you a story where I stopped taking time off. I didn’t. I took the vacations. I took the time I needed and most of the time I should have taken.

I just took it anxious. For years. The trip would be happening and some part of me was still sitting at my desk.

The taking was never really the problem. The arguing with myself about whether I was allowed to was the problem.

Which brings me to the part that actually changed how I think about all of this.

After my father passed, I was so busy at work that I did not realize my mother needed help.

I didn’t find out until years later. I was on the phone with her, sitting in my car, and I mentioned in passing that I was doing some pro bono consulting for a local yoga business. And she asked me why I hadn’t helped her back then.

I tried to explain it. I was barely sleeping. Barely eating. Barely holding my own life together, let alone anyone else’s. I tried to describe the culture of work at the McKinseys of the world, and she didn’t really understand it. I’m not sure she should have.

Because here’s what I understood, sitting in that car. I wasn’t too busy to help her. I was too busy to know she needed help. And I was too busy for her to ask.

That’s the part that stays with me.

How am I supposed to help all these businesses and all these customers and have nothing left for the people actually in my life? How do I do both? How do I get to be a whole person at home and a professional at work, without one of them living off the leftovers of the other?

White space is my answer to that question. It is not a nice to have for me. It is the thing that makes the answer possible at all.

So this year I ran an experiment. I set a goal that had nothing to do with a work output. No launch. No revenue number. The goal was white space.

It has made all the difference.

I just got back from a girls trip to Rocky Mountain National Park, second year in a row, and I didn’t come home just ready to go. I came home better at my job. That’s what I want to talk about today, because I don’t think it was the mountains. I think it was the pause.

What actually happens when you leave

Here’s what struck me on this trip: how different I am from my friends, and how similar we are at the same time.

We get so used to the way the people around us work and move and react that we stop noticing it’s a choice. It’s just the water. It isn’t until you go somewhere else, at a different speed, with a different routine, that you start asking why you do what you do.

That inertia, the one that keeps us locked into old habits, is the same thing that keeps us from getting better at our work.

If you’ve ever wanted to be the person who comes up with the big ideas and actually sees them through, getting away is a bigger unlock than you think. But only if you’re willing to see how connected your professional and personal lives really are.

We treat the separation between the two as a good thing. And it can be. It also keeps us from noticing that when you fill the cup in one area, the other one gets better too.

When my husband and I got better at our marriage, at building a relationship where we both felt respected and supported and loved, I suddenly saw how many relationships at work could be improved in the exact same way. Ones I had written off as just fine. Just professional. Just how it is.

That’s the moment I decided my personal life and my friendships were worth my time. And more than that, I decided I had the time, because I had built the white space to have it.

What I brought home

The first thing was buffer room.

I’m in the middle of planning 2027 right now, and the biggest takeaway from that trip was that I need to do for my calendar what I did for those few days. I need white space in the next several months and in 2027 so I can say yes to new projects and new demands when they show up.

Because they will. And there is no plan we follow at 100 percent.

So here’s the question I’ve been sitting with. What if our execution is actually 50 to 60 percent of the plan, not 80 to 100? If that’s true, let’s stop pretending we have it figured out. Let’s build options instead. Let’s get strategic about anticipating the responses and changes and scenarios that could realistically play out, so that when they do, we’re adapting, not scrambling.

The second thing was people, in person.

Being on that trip reminded me how much I get from being in the same room as someone. So I’ve committed to doing more of my work in person, and to making my online connections more human and less transactional. That’s the actual business I’m in. Helping corporate professionals do their jobs and live their lives in the best way possible. That doesn’t happen through a screen at arm’s length.

The third thing was the unproductive stuff.

A girls trip has a joyful, unproductive reputation. And we all know it fills a cup that matters. We need friends in our lives.

So what’s the version of that in my work? It’s making time to have more fun with the people I work with. It’s thinking about how to add spice and variety to a day. Surprising and delighting myself is something I actually control, and it makes me better at what I do, because when I’m training hundreds of people over the course of a year, or designing a coaching program or a retreat, real connection is the whole thing.

And here’s the proof. Two of my best ideas this year came from that trip, and neither one was on the agenda.

One is a real focus on wellbeing inside my training work. More to come on that.

The other is about the fundamentals. Managing our minds, our days, and our stories is always going to be a core part of what I do as a coach and as a training and development director. But I want to go further down, not just up. Not only the advanced-level work, but building healthy habits in our most junior people, so we create a culture of success and excellence that doesn’t deplete the people inside it.

The fourth thing was questions.

Having more questions and more ideas is part of the job when you’re a thought leader in any field. It invites participation. It builds collaboration and community and actual engagement, because instead of bending the world to your will, you’re bringing people with you. And they will often have better ideas than you do.

So, what do you do with this?

Buffer room in your plans. Scenario planning instead of one perfect plan. Real connection and a little more fun in your work. Bigger questions that get other people involved.

If that doesn’t make me better at my job, I don’t know what does.

What I know is this: every time I’ve been able to be contemplative, to get to that higher level of thinking, I solve problems better and adapt to change faster, without feeling like I’m losing the things I worked so hard to build.

So if you’re on the fence about taking time away because you’re not sure it’s worth it, this is for you.

A well designed trip is one where you get to sit with yourself while still being with other people. That’s the kind I’m talking about. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. It has to leave you room.

You’re not asking for some wild trip with no point to it. You’re asking for permission to take a break and reset.

So consider this your permission. Even if it’s with other people. Even if it’s short. You do not have to pack your guilt about everything you didn’t finish.

And I’ll tell you exactly where I am with this, because I don’t want to sound like I have it solved. I take two week vacations now. They feel normal, and that took a long time. There is still a part of me that thinks two weeks is too much. Not because anyone has ever said so to me. Because I know it isn’t what everyone does.

I go anyway.

Because without a pause, without a moment of transition, it’s very hard to see that all of this is optional. The way you work is a path. Maybe you watched someone else do it, maybe it worked for you before. Either way, you can re-choose it. And you can expand past it, so you’re not just evolving, you’re keeping pace with what the world actually needs from you now.

That doesn’t happen with your head down and your to-do list on top of you. It happens when you come up for air long enough to remember why you’re doing any of this.

People need your help. They need you as a leader at home and at work. So whatever helps you reclaim the part of you that feels calm and clear and willing to face whatever the day brings, do that one.

Take the time so you can be who we need you to be. Which is not a new version of you. It’s the one that was already there, that you got close enough to hear again because you left for a minute.

If you’re ready to release the stress and anxiety of your work life while still having both a family and a career, let’s talk. Go to www.mayempson.com/contact right now, fill out the quick form, and book a complimentary strategy call with me. We’ll build your plan to reduce your mental load and find greater career fulfillment together.

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