Welcome friends to Episode #74 of the Own Your Best Life Podcast. There comes a time in our life when we begin to wonder who we are. We wonder what we want to do with our lives, how we want to live our lives and the kind of person we want to be. This often happens at moments of transition. We are somewhat dissatisfied with life or we know that there is more to life than what we are experiencing and we want some things to shift into place. We want to shift our identity.
Your identity is a self-concept. It is your set of aligned values, goals, and expectations of the way you see yourself and even your physical self. It’s the way we look, dress, talk and behave. It is also one of the most important ways to make changes in our lives. When we see ourselves differently, we behave differently.
Identity can come from your lived experiences. If you’ve been working for so long at one place doing one thing, you see yourself as that person who does this kind of work at this kind of place. As a parent, you might also have a strong sense of identity. You might also be struggling with your identity because something massive has changed in your life. You’ve changed jobs, family situations or moved into a different place or phase in your life and now you’re wondering, who am I now?
I love working with clients on identity because it is the genesis for so much of a deeper transformation and understanding of who you are and what you want out of life. One of the questions that you’ve probably never thought about is this, “who am I when no one is here and there is nothing to do?” This kind of a question disrupts everything, especially if you are a doer or achiever. If you’re someone that loves to people-please and solve problems, it is hard not to identify yourself with the things that you do.
When I burned out multiple times in different jobs and roles before realizing that there was something about me, not the job that had to change – my identity was one of a person that does. I loved doing. I loved being productive and getting things done. I loved achieving. I loved pleasing and solving problems. I loved being behind the scenes working. Was there anything really wrong with this? No. But I didn’t know who I was when I didn’t have something I had to get done.
What do I love? What would I do with a lot of spare time? What would I even enjoy doing on a weekend? I didn’t really know. Now, these questions are easy to answer and clear because I’ve spent time getting to know myself and who I am when I don’t have to be someone for someone.
Identity is who you are and if you’re struggling with understanding who you are, it is hard to shift into who you want to be. Our identities create the results we have in our life. We want to be aligned so much with our identities that we will go out of our way to be consistent. If you’re a kind person, you will go out of our way to be kind. If you’re a parent, you’ll do whatever you need to do to take care of your kids. If you’re a doer, you will get it done.
The trouble with identity is that we don’t know what is authentic. When we try to be someone that we don’t really feel is us, we struggle. This is where it all breaks down. This is where we stay stuck in the same patterns and habits that we’ve always encountered. It takes persistence, focus and a vision to not only identify where you’ve been stuck, but to move yourself out of those behaviors so that you’re acting from an authentically true place. Identity makes it all the much easier.
When you’ve defined the identity that feels authentic to you, it’s like you’re unlocking the keys to the world. It’s a level of freedom that most adults don’t master until they’re at an age where they stop caring what other people think. For some, that can take their entire lifetime. For others, it never happens.
True freedom comes from allowing yourself to fluidly shift identities and not stay stuck in one place. To continue to let go, ascend, move and flow with what life is presenting to you. To know that there isn’t a right or wrong in who you are. If there is one message that I can give to you this week is that there isn’t a right or wrong way to be. There is an appropriate way to be for the kind of results you want to have and if you can lock into that long enough to take action from that place, you’ll have the entire world at your fingertips.
My wish for you is that you always know deeper peace, joy, clarity and happiness each time you hear from me. That you understand that life truly can be well-lived and well-loved. You are not stuck in this one place where you might feel stuck right now, forever. Take this opportunity to hear what I’m saying about identity and let it move you to action. Let it move you to be inspired to think that the thing you desire that will be of high service to you and those around you – really is possible and that you can hold enough space for it that you’ll allow yourself to move into that new identity where this is not just possible, it’s your reality.
If this topic resonates with you and you want to see transformational results in your life, you’ll love coaching. Getting coached consistently is the spark that will light the fire of inspiration to make the change you’re looking to make. It is the first step in creating clarity, making a massive shift and moving obstacles out of your way so you can move forward. You can go to www.mayempson.com/contact to learn more.