Do you ever feel that you’re talking around an issue and not directly about an issue? That you are addressing the periphery of your problems, but not the root cause? It’s ok if that is the case, and it’s also ok to start thinking about ways in which we can start letting ourselves address what we truly need. Today, we’re talking about how pain, grief, suffering and letting your heart break just a little bit or a lot can be the best thing you do for yourself.
We often try so hard to avoid pain and suffering. We try to smooth things over, please people, and avoid rejection of any kind. We long for love and deep connection, fighting for a relationship or your partnership to be whole. What happens though, when despite all our best efforts – things start to break? You lose someone you care deeply about. Your relationship comes to an end. You face a rough patch. You disappoint people. What happens when we can’t make it all ok? What happens when it’s not all ok?
Most of the time, we try to keep it all together when what we really need to do is to let it fall apart. Let your heart break. Let yourself be vulnerable enough to see that you can be hurt. Let yourself be open to pain and heartache. When you let yourself open to it, you realize that this is where the healing occurs. It’s in our pain that we start to search for meaning. It’s in our pain that we begin to fight for a new way of living. It’s in the broken places where we start to put ourselves back together. Let yourself see how this thing could hurt and why you care deeply, long enough and wide enough for you to see that there is love there as well. When you open yourself up to the pain, you open yourself up to love. To the desire to want to feel loved, to love, and to be supported. At the end of the day, we’re all looking to have love in our lives. We want it to exist and be extremely present. Whether it’s through the love of children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, siblings, mothers, fathers, grandparents or friends we want to love and be loved.
When you allow yourself to open to the possibility of heartache, you’re opening yourself up to more than that. You’re opening yourself up to loving more completely. You’re opening yourself up to being present with discomfort. You’re opening yourself up to being human. In a world where we are asked and taught to be inhumane and to push through, this may seem like a rebellious act. Feeling our feelings is fraught with a sense of weakness or neediness that isn’t looked upon well. But what if you could feel your feelings and see it as a sign of strength? What if feeling your feelings and letting yourself be open to pain is one of the most significant things you can do in your life? What happens is that you see things as they are. You’re not smoothing them over, making them look better than they are or just pretending it’s all ok. You’re saying that you see what’s happening and that it hurts. Even if you never verbalize it, acknowledging it is enough to allow yourself to start the process of healing it.
The next time you’re faced with disappointment, challenge or a sense of grief or loss, I want you to remember this one thing. This will heal you. This pain and this wound is a portal for more than just pain. It’s a portal for new beginnings. It’s a portal for remembering why you are here on this planet. It’s a portal for acknowledging that you care and you want to do better.
My hope for you is that you see that your heart is stronger than you realize. Say to yourself that it’s ok if your heart breaks from this. Even if you don’t know what’s going to happen next, let yourself be open to that possibility. For that possibility also means that the gift of something greater is also present. That when you open your heart to loss, pain, suffering – you’re also opening your heart to receiving, creation and healing.
Sending love out to you all this week. I hope you take the time to appreciate your humanness and the humanness of those you love.