Welcome friends to Episode #133 of the Own Your Best Life Podcast. As you grow in your career and life it becomes more and more obvious that you can’t do everything on your own. Yet, when you think that you have to do it all and solve every problem yourself, asking for help feels hard. Doing it all is what got you here, but asking for help is what gets you there – to that place of surrender and openness to change. If you’re realizing that it doesn’t make any sense for you to do it all yourself anymore, today’s podcast is for you. We’ll review 3 mindset shifts to keep yourself accountable to your dreams.
Progress has a cycle and a pattern. I’ve seen it time and time again. The difference that makes a difference is when people stop and when people keep going.
Pausing at the appropriate time will give you exactly what you need to move forward.
Stopping at the appropriate time will give you time to rest and recover.
Yet, most people who don’t ever see their dreams come to fruition don’t know when to pause and stop. If you notice you get really excited and then lose momentum to keep going, you’re not alone.
This is what fuels the new year’s resolutions and is also why most of these resolutions don’t stick. I’ve noticed 3 mindset shifts that are in those that keep making progress towards their dreams and I’m sharing them with you today.
Here are 3 mindset shifts to help keep you accountable to your dreams:
1. I’m figuring it out
There’s a sneaky thought that occurs when we try new things and don’t see results in the expected time frame. That thought is, “if it hasn’t happened yet, it’s never going to happen.”
What if that isn’t the case? If you’re doing this thing alone, you’ll often hear that thought and never combat it. You’ll resign yourself to staying exactly where you are. Being where you are isn’t a problem, but there’s a difference between staying where you are and making progress versus staying where you are and giving up. You’re not meant to stay in the status quo. You are in the process of figuring it out.
Coaching helps you in the process of figuring it out because you advance your thinking. Advancing your thinking isn’t just thinking more about the same thing in the same way. It’s advancing, evolving and thinking differently. Opening up a possibility or a new angle you never saw before.
You realize that the obstacle you’ve been stuck on for so long can be solved and that even if you’ve never solved it before, it’s likely happened to other people like you before and it’s something that your coach has seen. It isn’t new, unique and special to you.
Figuring it out means that you’re doing something in a way where you are learning and finding out how the puzzle pieces fit together. You are trying new things and learning about yourself in the process.
2. I welcome outside help
Welcoming outside help is going to be fundamental to your success. I’ve committed myself to always having a coach or teacher. Someone to check in with and expose my own thinking to – who won’t judge me but will instead hold me in a safe space where I can share my doubts and fears. It’s not easy to welcome outside help when you’ve been doing everything on your own.
It looks like a sign of weakness to say that I don’t have it figured out. I’m a coach and I don’t have it figured out. I don’t think I should have it all figured out and it’s actually pretty amazing how much more potential we have to explore.
What if we could own both aspects of ourselves? The light and the shadow. We are all humans who have imperfections, yet also have so much wisdom.
I have found that being honest is more important than being perfect. When you’re honest, you are starting to own your life as it is. This level of self-ownership is the accountability we have to actually listen to our intuition and follow-through.
Welcoming outside help also doesn’t mean you stop taking accountability. Some of the most disciplined people I know love to be held accountable. Not because they won’t hold themselves accountable but because they know that the extra support is also going to improve their experience of failing, trying new things and raising their tolerance to feel all emotions, including joy.
We often think accountability is some kind of consequence-based outside force that is full of pressure, but often we use this kind of healthy accountability to hold us to our ideals. I want to be held accountable to who I am when I’m fully alive, trusting and sharing my best wisdom. I want to be held accountable for not looking past fears or judgements.
Being held accountable is to remind yourself of who you are and what you know. That you are more resourceful than you realize. That you do know the answer. That you can learn how to do this differently. That you are allowed to fail and get back up again. That you get to celebrate all that is right in this moment, because it’s too easy to focus on what’s wrong in the moment.
The more vulnerable I’ve become about welcoming outside help, in my family, work and personal life – the better results I’ve achieved. I’m definitely not doing life alone nor would I want to. Exploring your dreams and goals gets to be an experience that allows you to connect with other people and rely upon them in different ways.
Growing up, I had the notion that I should work harder than others and be more independent – and while that was a good thing, it also isolated me from others. “I can do everything myself.” It was not just a point of pride but a point of separation. At times I grew resentful of others who weren’t bending over backwards to figure things out on their own. If I could do it, couldn’t they?
This is when I knew that this didn’t make sense anymore. That sense of judgment and frustration was a signal that all this work made me less compassionate and more demanding. While this works to a certain degree, it doesn’t work in the long-term. How long could I punish myself for not doing it well? It wasn’t a great strategy for anything that required unlocking true potential.
Fear limits our ability to bring out the best in ourselves over and over again. It might work in one instance or another but when we continue to tap into fear as the driving force, it takes a toll on our bodies and our minds. I realized that this wasn’t the kind of experience I wanted to have while achieving. If I knew how to do it differently, I would have. This is why I looked for outside help. Coaches, functional doctors – people who are more holistic and caring about me than I was for myself.
3. This can be so much fun
I also want to encourage people to have fun. If we can find fun and happiness in the process and the journey, it makes it so much easier to keep yourself accountable to your goals. This is why the best workout is the one that you’ll do consistently. The best “thing, method or process” is the one that makes sense for you. You discovering your own process for how you thrive and how you learn best IS part of the journey.
If you skip past the journey, you’ll miss out on so much – the anticipation and the thrill of seeing yourself change and grow – the foundation of learning that you now embody. It’s like saying you want to miss out on all the years of your life so you can be old – because that’s the end – when you die. It sounds dramatic, but it’s a parallel that will make you think. What if you waited until you were about to die to feel like you can finally have some fun?
Not everyone is going to have fun the way you will, which means that when you pick your goals and your ambitions, whether it is to find spirituality in your work or improve your health – you will define fun for yourself. When I coach, it reminds me of how amazing people truly are. You would think that it’s all problems and heavy stuff, but in reality – you see so much that gives you hope for humanity. People care, they want to do better, they feel real feelings of depth and they still keep trying. They are interesting people who don’t think of themselves as interesting – and they have the most amazing lives filled with so much fun on their journey’s – even if they are mixed in with stress and harder times.
“This can be so much fun” is the mindset that drives consistency and reminds ourselves that even when it’s not feeling fun (which it won’t always), it can be so much fun. Without any bit of celebration or enjoyment, we’re going to fixate on everything that doesn’t work and isn’t happening. We find more things that are not fun and it makes sense then to stop. I’m not encouraging you to pursue pain for pain’s sake. What I am encouraging you to do is to actually see that when you’re not having fun, you might just be expecting to be at the end of the journey. You might resent that you actually have to take some time to grow and that the things don’t just happen immediately. You might not be seeing yourself the way I see you – as these bright, energetic beings that have so much to offer, right now.
You are more amazing and life can have so much more in store for you then you realize, but it doesn’t exist in the future. Having fun now and finding happiness in the process of living every single day and second is the energy that will fuel you to not wait to feel successful.
This isn’t something to rush towards – this journey is something to enjoy. Be bigger than the dopamine hits you get from checking off a box and you will find yourself with the biggest high of all – the freedom you feel knowing that you’re utilizing the best of what you can tap into by witnessing the person you are in the process of achieving.
To sum it up, you’re going to find yourself wanting to stop, give up and redirect. None of this is a problem, unless you sink into permanent despair. Once you’re out of the thick of things, get back up and dust yourself off. Take a breath and keep yourself accountable to your dreams by saying these 3 mindset shifts out loud:
- I’m figuring things out
- I welcome outside help
- This can be so much fun
Pretty soon, you’ll find yourself saying these in your own head on repeat and you’ll know it’s working when you feel that shift in energy that comes from believing in yourself.
If you like these topics, you’ll love Spiritual Achiever coaching.We work to develop your intuition and energy so that you can achieve your personal and business goals with spiritual fuel and tangible strategies. Spirituality + Practicality. I invite you to join me by reaching out at www.mayempson.com/contact.
That’s it for this week. Have an amazing one and I’ll talk to you next time.