Welcome to episode #204 of the Own Your Best Life Podcast. Last week, I went to Portugal on a retreat and it reminded me yet again of something I’ve been working on for a long time: not doing everything myself. Somewhere between taking radical responsibility and the ideas of leaning in, I gave so much of myself that I emptied my tank. I was capable and have already figured so many things out, so why did I need to go? Did I need more help, yet again?

Often, we’re so busy working and doing all the different roles in our lives – whether it’s parenting or being a great partner or daughter/son or friend that we aren’t even aware of the questions we still have that keep us from fully resting at night.

I’ve had some pervasive thoughts about how I am investing my time or my money – and whether or not any of the things I do will ever feel like they’re enough – and it’s been wearing me down slowly and subtly. I didn’t even realize until I was away, with time to myself – that the real root of some of my concerns had nothing to do with the actual things themselves.

It wasn’t about my time or money or doing all the work. I’ve made and invested money and time before. I’ve seen the leaps that keep coming from these investments. I’ve witnessed that money is not the end-all or be-all for me as well. These concerns were a reminder to continue to exercise the muscle of being a friend to myself instead of having that inner critic point out all the ways in which you’re not doing it right.

I know that going away and doing things in new spaces have felt so alive and energizing to me in the past. Yet I still question why I had to go away and be in a different country with different people to see these things and I realized something really important. I needed a reminder of how big life and the world was. I needed reminders of what it felt like to take care of myself – by myself. Without anyone else who needed me except me. I had to unplug myself from the normal day-to-day experience so I could plug back in to who I was and what mattered to me, right now.

I don’t have to do it all by myself, but it took me being by myself to realize this.

When I think back to the times when I struggled the most – it was the times when I felt the most alone. As if I was the only person who was working to code a program late into the night and was struggling to find all the bugs and fix them. As if I was the only person who was giving everything to a job and still feeling like I wasn’t doing enough and failing. As if I was the only person who could be both grateful and aware that I’m not actually doing things that truly felt like they were meant for me.

At those moments, as hard-working achievers – you feel bad about asking other people for help. You feel like your problems are not as big as other people’s problems so you don’t want to take up the space or attention – but then you realize that they way you stop feeling so low energy and even low-key resentful of the people who do take up space, energy and time – is to do the same thing for yourself.

Giving yourself a community is giving yourself air time. It’s saying, “I am worthy of taking up space” instead of apologizing for not being able to handle it by ourselves. It’s egotistical, I realized, to think that I don’t have questions. I’m not all-knowing and even if I do trust myself, I can still benefit from other people’s opinions, support or help.

It’s understandable, however, why we as soulful professionals try to go through life independently. To earn income, make decisions about our own lives and lead other people along the way. We should know all the things if we’re leading, right?

Is it true that the most impactful and soulful leaders are self-isolating? What if the true rise in your leadership capacity comes from seeing what you don’t know and haven’t done without beating yourself up. To see things that need to be solved or addressed and instead of muscling and pushing through it yourself, to thoughtfully ask yourself what communities or people do I want support from to help me through this tough moment? A shift from how will I do this to who will do this. What kind of person, support or system is needed to address the extra load of work and life demands that are coming in?

Every day, we need to re-evaluate what’s working and keep making small tweaks. Just because I created a community with my high school, college, masters program and coaching program years ago, doesn’t mean that my community and support system is set for life. I moved and created a new community. Changed fields of work and created a new community. The communities evolve because I evolve.

It’s like any kind of physical activity or feat. Just because you ran the race doesn’t mean you’re fit today. Just because you did something and figured out what you want to do next a year ago, doesn’t mean you don’t have questions about what’s next now. It’s an ongoing process to create supportive environments and ask for help in new and different ways. 

When I work with my clients, we evaluate this through our leadership model and through embodied experience. The embodied experience is through seeing for yourself what it feels like to build community and that muscle of leadership is by showing up in group environments together. Group coaching calls and retreats help to create a sense of community and connection so that people realize that they’re not alone in their questions and not only that, but also that there are other strong leaders who are also asking for help too. 

We also cover the ways to simplify life and work so that we can build systems and teams that reduce the load while also creating more time to be present with the people we love. If you’re a soulful professional and spiritual achiever, you know that you don’t want to be overworked and resentful of people who get to be more present with their families or loved ones. You know that the true legacy of your time here is through the experiences we have with other people around us. You’re committed to owning that responsibility by creating supportive communities and relationships that will stand the test of time.

You have the option to continue to do it all by yourself but you can imagine that this way of living is getting more tiring and stressful by the day. Instead, you choose the option of putting yourself into communities that will support you and where you can ask for help while building relationships to do the same for others. 

If you’re a soulful professional who wants to build a community where you can stand out and lead, I invite you to watch the free training on how to Stand Out and Lead, using spiritual, high-performance strategies: STAND OUT AND LEAD.

You can apply to join my Spiritual Achiever® program, where you’re going to create your next chapter with spiritual and high-performance strategies to achieve time and financial freedom using my proven method. It’s risk-free. You either start seeing results within your first month or I give you your money back. Schedule your call here at www.mayempson.com/contact.  We’ll see you inside.

Want to know more about what happens when you join?

1. When you join Spiritual Achiever® Coaching you’ll be supported for a full year: Career Revelation Academy: A 5-step career change process (if you have a job you want to stay in, I’ll show you how to love it even more) that can launch you into your next career chapter in 30 days.
2. 2x/month group training and coaching on Spirituality, Achievement, Earth Energy and Harmony. You’ll know how to design your days for breakthroughs, create a personal brand and community, lead yourself and others through change, become more physically and mentally fit, reduce stress and reinvent what’s possible in this next chapter of your life.
3. Discover your Leadership Strengths and Branding Workshop: Increase your awareness of what makes YOU different from others and how to become even better at your genius zone.
4. Your Best Year workshop: Create your one year plan and design this next year, no matter what time of the year it is.
5. Your Next 5 Years one-day virtual retreat: Vision what’s possible 5 years from now and break out of your old routines so you can step into new habits, behaviors and routines.
6. Tickets to all in-person Spiritual Achiever retreats (discounted rates): Highly immersive and intimate gatherings where we spend time in nature, experience energy work, eat and move well – all while making big decisions and committing to what’s next for us.
7. Monthly 1:1 Coaching Sessions: To help you break through obstacles, define your individual path, and to work on both strategy and mindset.

The next step?

Schedule a consultation to get clarity on how coaching can help you on your journey.

Once you’re accepted into the program, you’ll receive a calendar invite for a 2-hour deep dive 1:1 session to map out your personal goals and your own year-long journey.

You’ll have immediate access to the Spiritual Achiever process and philosophy – how to achieve your biggest goals and reinvent your life.

You’ll have immediate access to 5 modules of Career Revelation Academy – to love your career even more and launch that next chapter of your career in 30 days.

You’ll have the calendar invites for the upcoming group calls and retreats.

If this speaks to you, I can’t wait to talk to you live: Schedule a consultation.

Reach out at www.mayempson.com/contact for more information on my Spiritual Achiever coaching program. You’ll figure out what’s next and actually go and do it. 

That’s it for this week. Have an amazing one and I’ll talk to you next time.